YOUTUBING?

It is legit 4am as I'm typing this. My body clock has been wonky for the past few days, and fast late night internet is not helping hahaha.


I've recently come across one of Sunnydahye's videos on YouTube and got to thinking. If you don't already know, she's a Korean YouTuber who's quite popular (I've seen a few videos of her before without knowing it was her). She's been coming up quite a lot on my Instagram feed, but I never really watched any of her videos until now.

The video that I watched was of her talking about her struggles with YouTubing. I found that her character was really nice, so I decided to follow her and watch a few more of her videos.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before here, but I'm actually quite interested in starting my own YouTube channel. I've had the idea for quite a while now and hearing about her being picked on for having a channel and being laughed at for doing what she's passionate about kind of reaffirmed some of my fears and reasons as to why my ideas of starting a channel have only stayed as that: ideas.

I'm kind of scared that people might make fun of me because if you look around in YouTube, a lot of people have good looks and have a lot of talent. I'm insecure about my looks and feel like I don't have enough confidence to ignore harsh criticism. What if I'm too dark? Or too fat? Or too weird? I may look good in photos here in my blog, but that's mostly because I hide behind the mask of photoshop. Its kind of like my way of altering myself to be visually acceptable, because I blog about skincare and beauty and how I look like unfiltered doesn't quite show that.

Like Sunnydahye, I was also inspired by Michelle Phan, and even more by Bubzbeauty. Both of them opened up the world of beauty to me and allowed me to learn so many things. I have a passion for skincare, and I'm actually quite interested in venturing into makeup as well. But I feel like there is a prejudice among my current Asian community against guys wearing makeup and that is the main reason why I haven't tried anything yet. I don't really get why girls get the benefit of hiding their insecurities and amplifying their looks, whereas men can't do the same. I admit I'm vain, but shouldn't I be allowed to hide my insecurities as well without fear of being judged even more for doing so? I really look up to the guys who do post skincare/beauty related videos on YouTube like Ivan Lam and Miles Jai. A few other fave YouTubers of mine are Wengie, VanityMr, Ssinnim & Pony!

Some of my fave YouTubers!
(from left to right)
Michelle Phan, Pony, Bubz, Ssinnim
Wengie, Sunnydahye(New fave hahaha), VanityMr (He's so hot my god he's also a model), Ivan

Anyways, this train of thought just came to me after watching Sunnydahye's video and I just thought of typing it down. I hope I find the courage to do what I'm passionate about and that I find it soon hahaha.

Thanks for reading!